poetry and ideas
how could you do this to me. After the world has turned its back on me, you decide to rip and tear my spirit to shreds. I loved you. I love you. Everytime I think of buga in the arms of another, kissing him, making love to him, creating dreams with him, it makes my stomach turn inside out and my heart bleeds with every drop wasting away the best part of me. My first instinct is to hate. But how can I hate someone I love? I guess there are some that I both love and hate, but I have never had to be in love and hate before. half of me wants you to feel like I do. Half of me wants you to be happy. I hurt so bad. I had fairytale dreams of of the two of us growing old together. Now I would give anything to stop dreaming of you. Stop thinking of you. Stop dying inside over you. Stop loving you. I am so full of hate and pain, but my heart will not allow me to wish hateful things on you, And I dont hate him. How could I blame him? You are an angel. you are beauty. You are everything I wanted to live and die for. you where my soulmate. Ive lost my soulmate. I will never find another love like I have found in you. I lay here and wonder if I will ever be as happy as some of the times I was with you. Simple times. The most meaningful, happy, fullfilling times of my life. I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I guess I dont deserve you. I hate me. all those times I didnt completely savor each kiss you gave me. Each time I didnt drink in that beautiful look you had in your eye. . I feel like the biggets fool alive when you once made me feel like I was king of the world. Nobody smiles like you. Nobody has dimples like you. Nobody calms the storm of living like you. I feel like I could have climbed to the top with you. I feel like I am at the bottom without you. I would trade the world for what we once had. But now I could never be with you. I feel dead without you. I cannot taste, I cannot smell, I cannot hear, I cannot feel, I cannot see. I cannot love. I only exist.
dont shower me with promises
youll break them right in half
with bottomless ignorant breaths
im drowning in your laugh
my lungs are filling up with blood
I sezure with a smile
Ive lost my life in hopeless love
but loved you for a while
life is a struggle
to make it better pop the bottle open praying while we guzzle
just like a shattered piece of glass I know my life is like a puzzle
but pieces missing means im sinking into this poisonouse puddle
and while im drinking from this bottle madness sets in oh so subtle
intoxicated from the liquor
immune from memories of trouble
Forget that I studder
and wonder if I
could ever be better
your lover
your life
your everything
tempting
your body and mind
your love and your smile
Ill dream for awhile
of presence your style
your answer to truth
im the sexual tension
that threatens your youth
im your cure to depression
resentment and anger
with a snap of my finers
ill rescue you from all danger
same old
its so familiar
yet so foreign
brand new heart break
same old scorn
she treats me like a broken toy
A burden born in love and joy
but with the time its changed its shape
from perfect life to shattered fate
I hate this poisoned life of mine
Consume me now
Ill never shine
Shes dropped me for another fix
a brand new toy but same old tricks
I wish for happy thoughts
but your right there to deny me the pleasure
hate my mind
go right ahead
dont take the time to think instead
just shake the thought that I could kill
your body, soul, your life and will
every time
Every time I hear your name
I feel my chest constrict and I crush my breath
every time I see your face
I bite my tounge to tame what confessions might escape
my pupils grow wide just to catch the reflected light
or maybe the subtle squint in your eyes revealing interest
sedated soley with need I am weak at the knees
this slow motion euphoria is whats been missing in me
Ive been looking for love in the lies of my life
but ive been caught cold in my tracks by the truth
everytime I hear your name
peace is the presence of destruction
like a bullet to the brain just to kill the pain
every moment of my life I live with someone in my head
with poison thoughts Id rather rot
than listen to what he has said
I walk around without a sound from him then suddenly it hits
a thousand reasons why I hate my life and should just call it quits
to sleep forever
nothing better
such a splender to be calm
