poetry and ideas
SPECIAL
Special
what does it mean to you?
does it mean someone who is good and is true?
does it mean someone who makes the sky baby blue?
does it mean someone who feels as bad as you do?
does it mean someone who makes your life feel brand new?
Special
Its all youll ever need
Special
absence will make your heart bleed
Special
Never questionable
PLEA FOR ONE LOVE
Mind searching through the names of those who have gone
is it wrong to believe that this is somebodys song?
Everynight trying to sleep while I think of your face
A headcase am I now just wishing I could erase
any hope of finding you
any hope of finding you
because to find my treasure would mean more than can be explained
And ive explained all these feelings to those who probably think its in vain
Am I special enough for you
Am I true enough for you
Am I strong enough for you
Am I anything to you
Im wishing for a name with a face
Im wishing just to find my true place
underneath the sun
but Ill never find it without you
happier times dont come in one
but in two
reach out to me now
If youve been hiding
pull me into to you now
im losing hope
touch your face with mine now
it would mean everything
and explain to me now
why youve been hiding
I cant bare to stand another empty day alone
cause my poems just make darkness a much lighter tone
curse the day i ever thought I meant something
to someone
to anyone
these thoughts only make it worse
cause the sickness I have only has one cure
And shes no where to be found
ABOUT A GIRL
where did it go?
dont pretend you dont know
its all been shown by you before
at least a thousand times, maybe more
its all been displayed in more ways than I can count
just not in my direction
your compassion
you seem to loose it anytime we lock eyes
anytime I publish these cries
you pretend there about someone else
always someone else
and that intelligent talk that you spew from your mouth
those negligent conversations that make the problem someone elses
while you damn well know that I will only belong to you
And thats something i cant control even though ive payed the toll for your love
over
and over
and over
and still nothing from you for me
I guess ill never see the fruit of my labor
ill never be in your favor
because as Ive been shown in a thousand subtle ways
I dont deserve you
TRUE BEAUTY
to taste my pain is to taste a flame
near impossible without getting scorched
torched like i have been
and it will leave a scar, melted skin by sin
dont underestimate the power of the human heart
because it can estimate your death by ending it
slowly shutting you down
just to bury you in the ground
and all just for a taste
what a waste
memories of happier times are written in invisible ink
I cant even think of a time when things where fine
when I could be asked hows my day
and I wouldnt have to lie
To every person who feels insane
I feel your pain
But were beautiful in so many ways
cause we know we have very little to gain
and thats sets you, sets us, apart
and to start a better life would be improbable
because its impossible for truly beautiful people to live a lie
DEVIL WITH A CAUSE
What creates this shallow feeling?
Everything is made of something
Mind so tortured, skin still peeling
Is this emptiness chemical?
I can feel it inside, screaming to be filled
scratch that itch all day long
aiming to be killed
I would give my life, just to take the creators
who put this seed of sorrow inside me
who knew that it would grow to deny me
while whatever waters it
caring for it while it destroys
and still cradles it
while it tears me up all night
sleep comes in painful fragments
brought on by my demon
whatever its name might be
woken by mindless sadness
jolt awake, someones screamin'
no ones around, must be me
incubating an emotion
incubating an enemy
nurturing a disaster waiting to happen
and when it breaks its shell
run
its your only chance in hell
and hells growing in me
ANXIOUSE AMBROSIA
When she walks she glides (angelic)
while my mind slides into that familiar anxiouse ambrosia
the seconds count down, I cant make a sound
And shallow breathing marks my excitement
while your entrapment brings music to my ears
where have you been all these years?
or has it been days?
your face changes my reality to something much sweeter
the sweetness masks the facts hidden deep in my mind
exstacy would be you next to me
and its wonderful that its coming soon
a runaway train of thoughts, rekindling that flame thats lost
soon to be serene soon to be perfect
here you come
wait
heart goes numb
as you avoid my glance, murder my chance
as you walk by like im not here
thrown away once again
fuck it
I never wanted you anways
and i tell myself it will be differant tomorrow
cause it feels better to lie then to face the sorrow
of wasted anxiouse ambrosia
STICHES AND STAPLES
My flesh heals much quicker than the tear in my soul
mortal time ticks by sickly while I stitch up the hole
staples and stiches just cover up the problems
Ill solve them in heaven with wings strong enough to hold me above the pain
Let me change into a smile and out of a frown
when im sure that im healed i will see you around
but when that time comes, will you throw me away?
will you pull out the stiches and staples?
rip open the holes just to make me unstable
does my pain mend the gap in your skin?
does my sorrow make yours less?
will the hole in my chest make yours seem that much smaller?
my sin is the best part of me that grows taller
everyday
But you cut me down and tear me open
feel much smaller
everyday
SORROW AT LD50
Conversation ended with hell which helps no one
conversation ended in hell once again
such arrangments dont help when nobody will win
like daggers dug deep your words stab in my mind
so steep seems the climb across sanitys line
my mirror shows a person whoes bled to near death
from the eyes he cries clear poison tears
nothing left
Pupils show something bright shattered inside
so tounge tied with remorse, while it ends with a sigh
Then the bang of the door as its kicked from the lock
talk of whats wrong
my lips blue as in shock
whisper screams from afar
but replies are too lost to be spoken at all
broken in peices
SMOKE SIGNALS
Its just another cloudy day exploiting life as we know it
Heres comes another shrouded game
destrying hope as we smoke it
Emotional war is parasitic to my mind
destroying the life that I will never find
shes out theres somewhere just sitting and hoping
that she finds someone like me who has the same troubles coping
bring that terrible morning that occurs everyday
cant stay sober without love
SLUT
Why are you so fucking shallow?
always proving that your naive
your superficial slut behavior draggin you into your grave
itll come
your juvenile favor lending spending pleasure thats not yours
purchase many friendly faces while your self worth hits the floor
spending tears and heartahce, spilling from your open chest
social fear of more heartbreak is never better than the rest
you look to me still dreaming that the world has taken you
reality is screaming to wake but you dont want back in that zoo
cause then youd go back to your true self
and fuck that
its never enough for you
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
when everybodys staring, glaring faces of contempt
alone with no one caring, sharing nightmares with whats left
another soul survivor rises up against the rest
no one can break her moral fiber shes much better than the best
whenever she walked in the room the darkness changed to light
a sudden flood of sappy smiles with their ratty eyes lit so bright
but constant thoughts of jelousy will rot the human heart
while resentment accumulates it will rip the soul apart
A rose is weeds is trampled quickly
left to sickly decay
cause we love to fuck ourselves
we love to fuck up lives
we love to destroy love
when everybodys staring, glaring faces of contempt
exempt wth no one caring, sharing prayers to repent
ROYALTY
when your reign of terror comes, what will you trade?
revenge given as penace, to drive me insane
sentence the weak and the innocent
sentence my life to be slain
and all ive asked is to be ignored
just to be ignored
But now ignorance ssems king, whiule bliss is its queen
set in tune to the death of the joker
what a wonderful song
Listen to it while your fucking burning
heated by anger just like me
royalty
HAPPY
Eternity ending soon, the sun replaced by the moon
while the days grow so cold you can feel them infecting
while your shadows relfecting from my eyes
shadows eating you and spitting out lies
when can we talk?
when can we watch the end of the world as we walk in spite of our destiny
when today dies so does the rest of me
here comes my holocaust
here comes caution tossoed to the wind as I kiss you before all is lost
seal my fate with a positive picture
of a negative ending
as the backround bursts into flames
sending the pleasure of today into ashes
less than memories
and thats all we have
glad to be lost in you
lost in these flames so blue
charring away any hope for the future
but it doesnt matter that this legacies done
the sun will keep this image of extasy
you next to me
tomorrow will always be a tragedy
always deppressing and pressing the issue of our yesterdays blessing
when I died inside
happy
BREAK ME
A broken picture frame is hanging
Suspended by a rusty stake
Stuck right through my heart
A part of me is displayed for all to see, for all to taste and breath, for all to hate
While i see this world just rape itself, a self distructive situation to the highest precision, what would be your desicion? If you cant beat them join them
Then soil there minds with their own medicine,
Send them shards of glass with your blood crusted at the points
give them something to hate
my apparent anger leaves me open to attacks of the blind
they look not whats on the outside but tot he corrupted stench within
DAILY BREAD
changing and exhaling the plot of everyday
the same amazing hot pursuit of another way
reaching deep inside my soul
the will to find that place
creeping slow, these thoughts, this hole, that hate, this face, this tast of death
then you breath the poison in
multiply it by a thousand
like a box of bullets to the brain
AT WHAT COST
Am I really here
Is this really this awful
All ive ever loved is lost
tossed to the wind and all at my cost
just one more illusion
just one more
intrusion of your ugly face into mine
one more moment
one more definition of devine
If im thrown from this thrown ill grab hold of the sun
drag it down from the sky soaked in hate, 'till im done
no more than a skeleton of life
no more than life under the knife
no more
