poetry and ideas
expressions of dissapointment are shown most in the eyes
when a smile can lie the color in your eye shows the most integrity
your shadows of honesty are in jepoardy
tested by whats right
You lied
I see right through your rhetoric
EARLY MORNING PHENOMENON
gates are flooded over with tears
burst into peices
explode under the moon
too soon to be morning....
curl into the position to express my faiths submission
All i have remembered is now wasted
an emblem of tasted love
a streak of tears on my pillow
assemble myself to look into the mirror
deconstruct my confidence to take a true look
nothing
everything
Ive got the world by the tail
but it doesnt even notice
doesnt even agknowledge me
knowledge is key
but when its 4 AM and everything seems so wrong
fucked up for so long
depression sets in like a stake through the heart
slowly slips in your chest cavity
held tightly by gravity
no one to blame
first impression is gone
thrown to the stars
written in song for no one to hear but me
turn up the volume to balance my cries
but the volume seems broken
chokin on the sounds of solace suspended
PRIDE
Forgive me for being me
If I could of changed it I would have long ago
if you knew you loved me you could have told me so
but you only spoke about the weather
I could have listened to you forever
playing out what i wanted to hear in my head
dubbing it to your voice
whether it made sence or not
I listened
I have no choice
Im sorry for sounding hollow
my body echoes sorrow
i cant seem to help myself
i cant seem to be someone else
i cant help but wish myself on no one
it all reflects me on the inside
all i suspect is misdirected pride
Rewind to the day
everything was ok
sneak a poloroid picture
to capture the laughter
priceless
remind me of today
reflect all the grey
im so tired of living in the present
nobody understands whats at hand
nobody cares that im barely here
existing only to witness my mistakes
exist souly to shed this tear
with nobody to share these feelings with
often so hard to bare with a soft heart so rare
endure all I can of your absence
but im tearing down
wearing this frown of frustration
and in case I dont talk to you again
I love you
Its sad that I dont even know you
RIP
Toes on the edge
deliverance
significant vertigo sets in as a euphoric nausea
spare thoughts of home and that expense
you take this trip alone
the air smells cool and welcome
interupted by spasmic memories of love
dont forget...you promised not to help them when feelings turned from push to shove
stretch out your wings, they catch the breeze
to fail you once again
embrace the cold and bend your knees
to jump into your zen
Wieghtless
The same place that you always tried to escape from is rushing up so quick
you cry for closure, pain goes numb
your heartaches felt so sick
The last image you choose to think of is that one special person, that one somebody, whose laughter made you happy
whose smile made you smile.
you smile
Faceless
why did it have to end this way
we all thought you were ignorant to the truth
likes shards of glass inside my head
you complete me
raising my awareness of reality
I love you more than ever
theres nothing better
than knowing your still alive through all the heartache
and you said it would kill me
you where so close...........
This paranoia is eating my confident ways
these poetic points are proving life pays
I do this to myself and no one else
I dig a hole just to hide from your voice
I didnt ask for this
I didnt recieve any choice
It would have been nice to obtain good advice on wether to exist or not
Life doesnt give reciepts
you have to keep broken merchandise
BOTTLE HALF EMPTY
staggers along like a wounded whatever
with a knife to his mind
sanitys main line is severed
fully lost in the moment with nothing left but numb
with his mind on the poison wishing excess to come
from the world he did borrow a bottle of pain
put his lifes to his lips and continued to drain every fucking drop of it
every last trace
every disgrace
every problem existing forgotten for the minute
hung his self respect to dry
he just used up his final try at something safely exceptable
alcohalics are expendable
hes still something special
I only question him when hes sober
(you know who you are)
SHADES OF RED
anger shaking through skin like a tremor
mind exploding in orange like november
think flames of emotional rage and that fact that your safer locked away in a cage
its not me that desires these demons inside
but emotions safe hidden. until they cant hide
when my spirit subsides I dwell on what is wrong to the point of moral exaugstion
my crimson blood boils
spoiling any hope of good judgement
I feel pain from the past become present
erase anything peaceful and pleasant
air is thickened with tension and trouble
every breath will make my passion double
I feel so cornerened, enraged and insane
my eyes squeeze out small salty symptoms of pain
Please help me
excuse what I said
I can only see in shades of red
I saw a picture of you today
complete with smile and bright eyes
I wonder if everything is ok
I hope that you are happy as I am
I hope you pray for nicer days
MESSAGE FOR THE POSITIVE AND PASSIVE
why do I write so depressed
Is my joy second guessed
does the pressure and stress from searching daily for a reason to live another day with a smile tear me down inside?
I believe it does
If you wonder whats so wrong with me
WHY DONT YOU TAKE A FUCKING LOOK AT THE WORLD AND YOUR LIFE
DONT YOU SEE THAT EVERY LITTLE PEICE OF HAPPINESS THAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW, AT THIS MOMENT, COULD BE SNATCHED AWAY FROM YOU BY ANY NUMBER OF ENEMIES
EVEN WHEN THEY ARE DISGUISED AS FRIENDS
EVEN IF YOU SEE A COMPROMISE BETWEEN TRAGEDY AND TRUST
I DONT
ALL I SEE IS A RACE TO FIND A MYTH
SOMETHING THAT YOU I KNOW EXISTS BUT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND
SOMETHING KIND OF LIKE MY MIND
LOVE
WHERE ARE YOU
YOUR WORDS/MY DRIVE
spin the conversation with the tip of your tounge
you control every aspect of it...
why not have your fun
I never get the chance to have mine
just look at the time that it takes to resign from your destructive love
you control the situation
you target infatuation
with what
I laugh just to think that your answer is "love"
cause your contempt rains down fire of desire and lust
Love
underrated
affixiated to the words which represent belonging to you
transfixed by affection in your direction
speak with your eyes
they tend to show lies
I follow my heart
with my mind I do part with logic
for the chance to meet you at the end of the road
10 YEARS IN THE DEEP END
Remember when I was 8
and Id jump in the pool just to scream out my hate
Id just sit at the bottom and cry out my sorrow
praying to god for a better tomorrow
feeling the bubbles spill out of my body
rising slowly to the surface
8 feet up
staring up at my problems
glaring at the surface
hating the present and fearing the future
childhood memories of the bottom of the pool
my exit from hell
I had as long as I could hold by breath
sometimes leaving no air left
beginning to understand the world and its ways
tortured by tantrums
beneath the water
10 years later and its ten times worse
dont tell me this is pleasant
ill never survive without diving in the deep end
Treasures are held on to tightly
im unwilling to let go of those ones I felt
and im sorry to say that your words made me melt
ive never been myself since
my eyes so cold with pain filled dark optic tints
never quite felt like a my heart was in the right place
just in case I lost it to manipulation
your warm welcome hugs and your skins soft tempation
all wrapped up in you
I had mapped out my love for you
killing the time with each other
you have always wanted a lover
ive never desired another
I never knew
I was one of a few
didnt think it was true that I was nothing special
I was so wrong
No I know I dont belong
Ill hurt so long that it will never be worth it in anyones mind but mine
Id rather believe a lie that im somebody loved by anybody
and think all that I did for you
was even agknowledged in a hopeless romantic context
and not where im nobody
nothing
nameless
faceless
faithless
I was so wrong
No I know I dont belong
Ill hurt so long that it will never be worth it in anyones mind but mine
you could have been mine
You could of been my philosophy and my state of mind
IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT
brush aside your tear stained hair
sob once again to free your point
with your mouth wide open you cry in agony
gasping against breath that was once so beneficial
It now feeds your inner emotions
important enough not to desire
all you required was another to care,
all youve admired has been locked in his stare,
guarded by prejudice
punishments fair
tears you feel run cold rolling down your round cheeks
to recover from love it takes life
he thought weeks
It was never your fault
THE THIN LINE BETWEEN FRIENDS AND ENEMYS
Can I even tell the differance between friends and enemys?
short stories and legacies?
I count my friends in my head
and bite my tounge as I come to the conclusion that only a few could be true
of all aquaintaces I narrow it down to around two
and the rest I cast out as expendable peers
cannon fodder for anger
I admit that there ways have brought me distrust and tears
and fears that im alone
unknown to anybody worth while
until I explode
and realize that im not the one in danger
for the thin line between friends and enemys is razor sharp
it cuts deep into skin
expose purpose and sin
and shows me there game plan to win
its all at the cost of integrity
wait till they see whats coming
Judgment will be something to see
impaled through their eyes
the same ones that fed me these lies of friendship
share with me my heart and ill see you through the best and worse of times
but pretend to be something to me that your not
and ill rip you apart
shred by shred
with my razor fine line of friends and enemies
LOSE YOURSELF
Nothing in life is lost
only arranged in a way that defeats the purpose of it existing
and instead of fixing what is wrong we choose to call it misplaced
just in case it turns up again
begging to be yours again
wanting to belong to something
like a parasite
existing only to destroy
constructing a death you may enjoy
but only when its over
and your found again
bound to yourself
wishing to be lost
BOUGHT BY YOU
I find it so wrong
That the warmth in your breath comes from a place thats so cold
and that old euphoric feeling of your hand grasping mine will all change in time
I never could hold onto something devine
anything fine
anyone who sold me on kisses blown in my direction
anyone who has sold me anything
because a sale demands something in return
I have learned that the strength of a lover can burn deeper than any other
even when built in a sub zero heart
I sold my everything for less than nothing
and it kills me everyday
PROPHESIS OF THE PUNISHED
nervioussness in me is exploited to escape
all red tape is sliced down so we can get down to the problem
all my life ive been bothered by problems so smothered in troubles of others and brothers turned lyers they add fuel to my fire while trials of strangers endanger my faith turned to anger and angst all in heartache incased with the sorrow of solitare living and love,
its enough just to make me feel pushed around shoved backwards with hands of a much higher power that thinks it fun that I crumble in questions and cower in the corners of conscious
places in my mind
in the face of pure passion its my face you will find
in the race against sorrow I will never hide
in the chase of my enemys im no where to be seen
till the time that I choose theyll run right into me
blinded by blue fire in my eyes
reflecting expressions suprised
expecting revenge
and recieving it
Tell me love is true, It would make everything ok
Tell me that im loved, and it will make everything rhetoric
THROUGH THE EYES OF A NARCOLEPTIC FLAW
As I dream awake, sleepless
You seep into my mind
A Subtle sign of second hand rejection
I cant comprehend a harder time to be alone
I cant understand a larger hate than me
All I see
Is Daydreams
Awakening Nightmares
destroying my cares for me
exploring your stares at me
wondering why you even take the time to look
Reality entwined with extasy
shes next to me
in my dreams
And the horror comes on slow like a good stab to the heart
slowing working its way into my consiounce
Isnt this the part when I scream myself awake
partake in a cold sweat with the last second understanding that all is ok?
But when the truth strikes me blind
I find id rather just sleep than know that every beautiful thing you said to me was all in my head
all through the eyes of a Narcoleptic Flaw
Love Story
with the eyes of an antichrist
she poisons the hearts of sinners and saints alike
despite all the comfort thats bought
brought by the lies of your love and the beat in their chest
by all those reasons to live and the heat from her breath
but theres little left of them
theres nothin left of those that were drunken on promises
choreographed by the distiller of pain and false flawlessness
designed to align us in lines
It feels fine to be led by the reward of hope
better times to be shared with her
but agony is the end
the final step taken by others before you
she'll explore you
exploit you
and call you a king
then burn you
blame you
all you were was a fling
A demon diguised as an angel with eyes of an antichrist
beware
