how could you do this to me. After the world has turned its back on me, you decide to rip and tear my spirit to shreds. I loved you. I love you. Everytime I think of buga in the arms of another, kissing him, making love to him, creating dreams with him, it makes my stomach turn inside out and my heart bleeds with every drop wasting away the best part of me. My first instinct is to hate. But how can I hate someone I love? I guess there are some that I both love and hate, but I have never had to be in love and hate before. half of me wants you to feel like I do. Half of me wants you to be happy. I hurt so bad. I had fairytale dreams of of the two of us growing old together. Now I would give anything to stop dreaming of you. Stop thinking of you. Stop dying inside over you. Stop loving you. I am so full of hate and pain, but my heart will not allow me to wish hateful things on you, And I dont hate him. How could I blame him? You are an angel. you are beauty. You are everything I wanted to live and die for. you where my soulmate. Ive lost my soulmate. I will never find another love like I have found in you. I lay here and wonder if I will ever be as happy as some of the times I was with you. Simple times. The most meaningful, happy, fullfilling times of my life. I hate you. I love you. I miss you. I guess I dont deserve you. I hate me. all those times I didnt completely savor each kiss you gave me. Each time I didnt drink in that beautiful look you had in your eye. . I feel like the biggets fool alive when you once made me feel like I was king of the world. Nobody smiles like you. Nobody has dimples like you. Nobody calms the storm of living like you. I feel like I could have climbed to the top with you. I feel like I am at the bottom without you. I would trade the world for what we once had. But now I could never be with you. I feel dead without you. I cannot taste, I cannot smell, I cannot hear, I cannot feel, I cannot see. I cannot love. I only exist.
